How do you deal?

Those of you who have walked away from the IC... when someone throws Hebrews 10:25 in your face, how do you calmly deal with the situation? It's all I can do not to call them idiots and morons and explain that it doesn't say you have to go to church. It calls for fellowship. But they're typically too dense to get that anyway. So how do YOU deal with it?

Waiting for My Beloved

As promised, here's the story about my wait for my Beloved:

I guess I should back up to BEFORE the promise, the little known part of the story that is often forgotten. When I was 14 years old, I was living in Gilchrist, TX (on the Bolivar Peninsula between Galveston and Beaumont). I attended church on the "mainland" in a town called Winnie. I had amazing youth pastors, Steve and Cheri. Cheri shared with us girls about how she had a list of things she wanted in her future husband. She kept the list in her Bible and God answered everything on the list when he gave her Steve. I decided to write a list as well.

Fast forward 3 years. I was living in Konawa, OK. The summer before my senior year of high school, I was spending the summer on campus at ECU for Upward Bound. I spent a LOT of time asking God about my future husband. He was gracious enough to speak to me on the matter. June 24, 2002, God made me a promise that I'll never forget. He said, "I'm giving you a "David" character." I began studying the character of David in the Bible, and I absolutely fell in love. The name David means, "Beloved." That night, I wrote my first Beloved Letter. I didn't know I would have to wait so long for what God promised me. I figured in a matter of a couple of years, I would have him in my life.

It has now been 10 years. It has been a very difficult journey of crying, begging, pleading with God for my Beloved. I have believed with everything in me; I have given up; I have grown numb; and I've been beyond excited. As it is now, I have all but given up. I'm rather numb and don't really get excited about it anymore. I've pretty well lost faith that it will happen any time soon. I still write my Beloved letters. I now have 4 volumes of collections of letters. I can't even count how many letters there actually are. Well over 100, for sure.

A little side note that I forgot to mention: In 2007, mom and I (at separate times) had visions of my Beloved. I know generally what he looks like and I know his character. It drives me insane when I see someone that looks a bit like him and even has some of his traits. It's quite the temptation, but it REALLY sucks when they're not interested. I don't know how many times a day I ask, "God please. When?!"

So yeah... that's the short story. :)

Faith Unwavering

I am being challenged about my faith right now. I'm not saying an individual is challenging on my beliefs. I'm saying that I am being challenged in my FAITH.

As a child, I had unwavering faith. I believed God beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew He could do anything and would answer. As I grew older, doubt and unbelief entered in. The older I get, the more I doubt. I have come to a place where there's little that I believe and much that I doubt. :/ not good.

Many of you have already heard my story about waiting for my Beloved. If not, please find my previous blog posts or my blog for my Beloved. At some point (probably soon) I will record the full story again just in case I have not yet done so. Anyway, I have been waiting 10 years for my Beloved. I know God will bring him to me because He promised Him to me. However, I'm finding it difficult to believe it will ever come to pass. I hope, but I do not believe. I know, it sounds like I'm contradicting myself. In my heart I know, but in my head I doubt. Make sense?

So that brings me to some current events taking place. A few weeks or so ago, I thought about the dead being raised. I don't remember the complete thought process, but I remember it being an odd thought. Fast-forward to current events. There's a young man whose body was found recently. The family and many others are praying for him to be brought back to life. There are many who are able to believe without wavering that it will happen. I do find my thoughts a couple of weeks ago a bit ironic. But can I join my faith with these who believe? I'm having a difficult time doing so. I find myself praying that God's will be done, but I cannot seem to wrap my mind around truly BELIEVING that it will happen. :/ This really makes me sad that I have lost faith so easily. I remember the little girl I was who believed with faith unwavering. And now I am so jaded that I barely believe anything. God, help me with my unbelief. :(

For info about the young man I mentioned, go here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/364694933601586/

What It All Comes Down To...

I have been seeing SOOOOO much war between christians. I was always aware of the battle between denominations; between protestants and catholics; between individuals. But I have found that these wars are not isolated within the walls of religion. I have found that it's just as ugly outside of the IC as it is inside.

I have raged and openly expressed my beliefs. I have been one who has attacked other views on religion. I've attacked the IC. I've attacked other belief systems that are different than my own. But recently, I have watched in disgust as I've seen people tearing each other down. My opinions have changed about who's right or wrong. I think we've ALL got it wrong. We're so busy dissecting theology that we ignore the command to love. We get so caught up in our differences that we don't embrace what we have in common. When are believers going to stop attacking their own army?

I have had the privilege of spending time with some Catholic friends recently. Once upon a time I would have attacked Catholics mercilessly. But I have been reminded that when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, we agree on the basics. That's what we need to focus on. We need to embrace that we agree on salvation. We need to embrace that we (i'm speaking of true believers, not those who go through the motions) all love God, no matter how we express it. I still dislike religion. It's not for me. But I understand that for some people, the structure and discipline works for them. I have to accept that I am not God. God has called me out of the IC, but there are some He has left in the IC. Does that make me any more righteous, any more right than they? Absolutely not! This has been a lesson that has been a long time coming. We need to embrace our common beliefs and stop attacking one another. I now understand why my Catholic friends believe what they do. It makes sense to me and it's nothing like what I was taught. We actually agree on a lot more than I thought was possible. Does that mean i agree 100%? No, but I respect their beliefs. I respect their right to practice those beliefs in the way they feel God is leading them.

Look, ma, I'm growing up! HA

Paul Vs. Religion

Last night I was reading in Galatians. I was reading the very first portion of the first chapter and Paul was REALLY upset with the church of Galatia for rejecting grace and reverting to Religion (The Law). It was really interesting to see how exasperated he was about the whole ordeal.

I think Paul would have a conniption fit if he saw Christianity today. I can totally see him smacking his forehead with his palm and shaking his head. "That's completely opposite of what I tried to convey to you," he would say. "Can't you get it through your heads? Why are you still bound by Religion when I've tried to stress to you how important grace is? Why are you still trying to uphold the traditions of men, the law, when freedom is right in front of you?" Yeah, I can see that Paul would be royally miffed at the Church today.

It's astonishing how the IC will praise Paul and idolize him, but completely reject his message. Sure, they'll say, "oh, we live by grace." But do they really? Or are they still trying to get by on works? Are they doing God's will or following the traditions of men? I love how Paul specifically addresses the following of men's traditions. He says that he doesn't do it. The kicker is in the first portion of the first chapter, he says that what he preaches was not taught to him. (GASP you mean a preacher didn't sit down and give him the steps of salvation? You mean he didn't go through ministerial training?) That's right! He says that what he preaches was given to him by revelation. WOW! That totally blows religion out of the water. That defeats the idea that we have to have preachers hear from God for us. Or for that matter, we have to find it in the Bible. Paul didn't say he searched scripture for the message. He says it was given him by revelation. How can that be? RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!

I love how Paul just blows religion out of the water. He preaches against it. How do people not see that? Or maybe they just want to see it as him preaching against Judaism... but isn't that essentially what Christianity today is, just with a Messianic twist? You've got to tithe; you've got to volunteer at the church so many hours a week in addition to the 60+ hours you work; you've got to attend church weekly (never mind that you're neglecting family time. it's your duty as a "faithful christian.") You've got to show your devotion to the church or you're a heathen. Really? Is that what Paul preached? EMPHATICALLY NO! Paul would be appalled (excuse the pun) at the church today!

And people wonder why there are those of us who are breaking the chains of religion and backtracking to what the New Testament teaches...

The Matrix

Hello, my fellow IC dropouts! I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog anymore. But it's therapeutic for me to write anyway. I also write in hopes that someone will actually read it at some point and be able to connect with it.

Anyway, to the point! Have any of you ever watched The Matrix with spiritual eyes? If not, I HIGHLY recommend it! Watch it with the perspective that the Matrix=Religion. It will totally blow your mind! Enjoy!