Unhealed Wounds?

You know... I remember growing up as a Christian, hearing the words, "when the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future." I always thought it was for the "heathens" who didn't grow up in church. It was for the "sinners" who had a bad past... drugs, alcohol, sex, that kind of stuff. I never thought it could ever mean ME. Just when I think I've left the past behind, it sneaks up behind me and begins to haunt me again. I see pictures of person from my past, or their names, something of that nature, and it all comes back to me, the pain as fresh as the day it happened. The shame of the past could not be more real. It's funny how it sneaks up on you when you're having a seemingly good day. And all of a sudden I find myself praying, "God help me to leave the past in the past." I thought those wounds were healed, nothing but scars. Apparently they were just scabbed over. Makes me wonder if they'll always be there, ready to fester at a moment's notice. :( What an unexpected blow!

When you've spent your entire life within the IC (institution of church), you think you don't have a past. But when you come out of the IC, you find out all too well that your past is just as bad, if not worse than those who did not grow up in the IC. The deepest wounds ever issued were by the IC. My family experienced deep wounds about 10 years ago. I know my dad never recovered. He's still bitter and angry and will probably never forgive. But mom and I... I thought we had moved on. We've interacted with those who hurt us. We forgave them. So why does it still hurt? I thought I had healed. But apparently not if it suddenly causes me anxiety and shame.