It's been a year since I last wrote. I'm still in the Wilderness. But I think I'm close to being out. Why do I think that? Because it seems I'm at a point of convergence with others in the Wilderness. All of a sudden, there's life in the Wilderness. We're all headed the same way. All this time of walking seemingly alone, only to find that there were millions of us in this vast Wilderness. Now we're all coming to a place where our paths are converging. That gives me hope that the Promised Land is near.
I still grieve when I hear songs I used to dance to or get lost in worship to. I still miss what was. I have a hard time not looking back. It's still difficult. But I'm not angry anymore. Disappointed, disillusioned, yes. I still don't really understand. But I don't feel abandoned like I did. I don't feel angry at the people who hurt me. I'm not angry at Papa. I don't think He's out to get me anymore. I still feel a little bit alone. But when I find out that there is someone in my life who's also in the Wilderness, I experience tremendous joy to discover Papa's sending me a friend.
As far as how I, Holley Maegan Verrett, am doing: I have been in a community I love for the past year. I am doing the job I love and work with a fantastic staff. I am welcome here, for once. I absolutely love it here! God blessed me by bringing me to this community. I don't feel as much an outsider. I don't feel stifled here. I am about to have back surgery next month. I have a ruptured disc in my lumbar region. I've been having excruciating pain since January or so. I've been having issues since last July, but they got bad in January when I was lifting weights. I put too much weight on the leg press and ruptured my disc. :/ So now I get to have back surgery July 14. I am still single with no prospects, but for now I'm mostly okay with that!
