Arrogance vs. Confidence

arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions


confidence: the quality or state of being certain : certitude <they had every confidence of success>


As has been stated over and over in my past blogs, I grew up in churches. I remember my parents trying to instill confidence in me, always telling me I was beautiful, smart, that I could do anything I set my mind to. However, all that was unwittingly destroyed by the church's stance on humility. I remember it being shoved down my throat that we should not be confident in anyone but God. We can do nothing good in and of ourselves. We shouldn't focus on the outward appearance. Blah blah blah.


As a result, I have seen a great atrocity in our society. We have stripped our women of confidence, as well as our young men. We wonder why so many young people, even those who are churched, are engaging in the things they are: sexual activity, gangs, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, etc. As I have said in past blogs regarding beauty, etc., I firmly believe that if we would instill CONFIDENCE into our young people, they would be a lot stronger in their stand against such vices. 


One thing that plagues me about my upbringing in church is that if I ever felt good about myself, I felt guilty. I've noticed that young women, both churched and unchurched, feel the need to combat a compliment with a negative appraisal of themselves. Ex.: "Wow, you look very pretty today!" "Whatever, I look like a fat cow." These negative responses are not innate, but what we feel we are expected to say out of humility. As we repeat these negative appraisals of ourselves over and over, we eventually come to believe them. At first, it's a matter of fear. We fear someone will think we are arrogant to say, "Thanks, I feel pretty today." After all, socially it's not the norm. We fear what other women will say about us if we say anything positive about ourselves. But after a while, we begin to believe those negative appraisals.


 
I have learned to see myself as beautiful, both inside and out. It wasn't easy. I read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. That's where my journey began. I have documentation from my younger years that show my self-loathing. I have watched myself slowly emerge from that mindset just over the past 5 years. After reading "Captivating," I understood God's view of me. I understood that it was okay to appreciate beauty, that to negate my own beauty was an insult to my Creator. I began to say, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I stopped measuring myself against the Barbie dolls around me and began seeing myself as a unique individual. For that, I am forever grateful. 


One thing I have witnessed is this: Women who are not confident will have sex with a man to gain his adoration. But once he has had his fill and moved on, she is crushed and left feeling she was not enough. On the other hand, a woman who knows her worth knows she should be respected and will have high standards. She will not open the door to a relationship with a man that would disrespect her. She will be bold enough to say up front, "I know my worth. You will treat me with respect. I will not have sex with you. You will either win my heart or die trying. If you can't accept that, hit the road now." A confident woman, though lonely at times, can withstand singleness because she knows her existence and worth is not dependent on the appraisal of a man. She is a rare jewel, one worth far more than diamonds. She is the one who will "live happily ever after," because she knows who she is, whose she is, and that she is beautiful. That confidence is beautiful, not arrogant. 


I now know my worth. I am not so arrogant as to walk around thinking I'm better than anyone else. But I know who I am, whose I am, and that I am beautiful. So ladies, please, PLEASE take this to heart. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! It's okay to admit it. It's okay to believe it. Besides making a difference in our choices, CONFIDENCE IS SEXY! Arrogance is not. Just remember the difference. Know your worth, admit your worth, but don't act like you're better than others. If you are a confident woman surrounded by women who are not, raise them up. If we can increase the number of confident women, we will see a change in our society. I've said it before and I believe it with all my heart. BE CONFIDENT!