The Secret to Relationship Success

As a young woman nearing her 30s, I have witnessed a great deal. I have observed enough to be able to give this advice. I have encountered MANY broken hearts, as well as experienced it for myself, to discover the secret to relationship success. Are you ready?

Here's the secret: PURITY. Seriously, keep reading. It has been my experience and observation that when physical intimacy enters a relationship, emotional intimacy exits. It is my firm belief that an emotional bond should be built long before a physical one. I believe with all my heart that a successful relationship is one which begins as a friendship, evolves into courtship, and further evolves into a lifelong commitment. Women who engage in physical intimacy in the beginning of a relationship are more inclined to have their hearts broken.

I have watched many of my friends get their hearts pulled out, shattered, stomped on, and handed back to them. In fact, 9 times out of 10, they have been the ones to willingly give their hearts away to someone who hasn't expressed a desire for, nor worked to win their hearts. I have been that girl. I learned a valuable lesson 3 years ago. My ex-fiance once told me to stop pursuing him, that I wasn't a challenge. He said that I was so willing to give my heart to him that he didn't have to work for it. He wanted to pursue me, but I robbed him of that chance. Ladies, there's a reason for the "play hard to get." It's because it works. A man's primal instincts is to hunt. How much fun would it be for a hunter if the deer walked right up to him and said, "here I am, shoot me." Does that sound ludicrous? The whole issue is that they want the hunt. They want a trophy to show that they worked to get that deer. It wouldn't be as fun for them if there was no challenge. Ladies, men want a challenge!!!!!

So what do I propose? First of all, don't pursue a man, no matter how much you want to get to know him. If he's interested, he'll pursue you. Don't text him, don't call him. Don't kiss him. Don't throw yourself at him. Let HIM come to YOU. Then don't make it easy. Don't re-arrange your schedule to spend time with him. If you're busy, admit you're busy. It will enhance the experience for him. He will become that much more determined to get your attention and prove to himself (and you) that he's worth your time. Don't allow physical intimacy early on in the relationship. The level of physical intimacy should match the level of commitment. Spend more time communicating, getting to know one another, not making out.  If he says he's "busy" and that's why he hasn't called you in a few days, move on. A man who's smitten will make time for you no matter how busy he is.

I have actually had men tell me that they would rather have a woman who is pure than a girl who throws themselves at them. One man was honest enough to tell me that he would take advantage of a girl who offered herself so freely to him; but that once he got what he wanted (not her heart), he would move on to look for a woman who wasn't so easily available. The kind of woman he would make a commitment to is the kind of woman who knows her worth and makes him work to win her heart.

Confidence is key. Know that you're worth it. If the guy isn't paying attention to you, don't dwell on him. Hold out for the one who makes you feel like one in a million. I recently read a series by Karen Kingsbury and the character's mother said, "Bailey, you will know the right one because he will pursue you like a dying man in a desert pursues water." I loved that! She hit the nail on the head. If he's not pursuing you, he's not worth your time! Know your worth and know you are worth being pursued! Before you know it, that right man will be pursuing you like a dying man in a desert searches for water.