It's about 1:15 a.m. (Dec 26th, 2011). I went to bed and slept for about 3 hours, but awoke and could not go back to sleep. I was a bit too hot, couldn't get comfortable, and had too many things on my mind. This blog post will be about nothing in particular... more along the lines of free writing. HA. It's an attempt to clear my mind so maybe I will be able to go back to sleep soon.
So, it's been on my heart for a few years to adopt a child. My desire to be a mother outweighs my desire to be a wife. That's almost hard to believe since I have a strong desire to be a wife. When I was in Oklahoma, I went through the process of trying to adopt through DHS. At the time I was turned down because I didn't have enough income. :/ I was very discouraged. It seems that the desire to adopt is a recurring or incessant one. I find myself researching it again and again, hoping to find sources which can help me. I'm specific about the child I want. I want a baby girl who is deaf. I would accept a hearing child just the same, but I really want to mother a deaf child. I hear all the time of children in other countries who live in orphanages, unwanted simply because they are deaf. It breaks my heart. Everything in me wants to go rescue a sweet baby girl. But, alas, I have run into obstacles in my journey. First of all, being a single woman makes it difficult to adopt from some other countries. I know China will only adopt out to couples. Bummer. China is one of the places that has orphanages replete with deaf children, most of whom are girls. But in addition to being single, I'm not wealthy. I do have a good job that allows me to have more than enough to take care of a child. But my credit is terrible. I have student loans out from all those years in college. My credit is in the basement. So of course, no one would finance my venture to adopt. I can't go through the state of NE because they won't adopt out children under the age of 7. I want to adopt a child as young as possible. I want to be the one to imprint on them, to bond with them, to teach them. I don't know that I am strong enough to handle a child who has 7 years of baggage from being in the system. I know those children need loving parents as much as any other child, but I just can't handle that kind of situation.
Each night I "daydream" in order to make myself fall asleep. As I lay thinking, I was daydreaming about adopting a deaf baby. I was thinking about how to teach my child to sign. I was excited as I thought about how many deaf friends I have who could help me be the best parent I could possibly be to a deaf child. I was also thinking about that program with the flashcards that teaches babies to read. I have a friend whose grandson was doing the program and it really worked. The concept is correct: seeing words, not letters. That's how we teach fingerspelling to new ASL students. We try to train them to see the shape of the words instead of looking at individual letters. I was thinking about how I could take those flashcards and pair it with signs and teach my baby to read English and learn ASL at the same time. AWESOME! I guess I got a little excited about the idea, because it was in my sleep and ultimately what woke me up, I think.
Upon waking, I had to send a message to my friend to find out how her grandson was doing with the flashcards. I wanted to know what the name of the program is as well as what kinds of words were on the flashcards. Leave it to me to plan ahead. I'm the kind of woman who has my wedding planned out... I have my wedding dress, bouquet, shoes, you name it. The only thing I don't have is a groom. So it should come as no surprise that I'm nesting baby things now. I already crocheted a baby blanket, booties, and hat for my future baby girl. I plan on crocheting a set for a baby boy too, just in case. I am thinking that I would like to start making my own set of flash cards for my baby. Why spend money on the program when I'm smart enough to make my own? I was also thinking that I really do need to start nesting. What if, by some miracle, I do get to adopt? Then what? I have nothing for a baby... no baby bed, no baby monitor, no baby toys, no baby clothes. So I'm thinking I'm going to start collecting for my baby. I already have a "Beloved Box," which is full of sentimental items for my future husband. I have been writing him letters for probably 10 years now and collecting anything and everything I see that says "Beloved." So why not have a baby box too? I have some items for when my children are older: a tiny tea set, dolls, etc. But I need baby stuff. So I think I'm going to start getting stuff every month and putting back for my baby. That way, should I become a mommy, I'll be prepared. If nothing else, it will give me hope that some day it will happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment