I can't get this out of my mind. I've been hearing and seeing things about beauty for a few days and it really hit me late last night as I was reading. I planned last night to write this, then decided to put it off for a little bit. But just now something triggered me to write this. Apparently God wants me to get this message out. So here it is.
What is beauty? First let's look at how we in the American culture define it. We see beauty as the end to all means... physical beauty that is. We think that if we were skinnier, had fuller lips, smaller guts, etc. that we would suddenly be happy. But let's look a little bit closer at this theory. If this were the truth, Hollywood would be the happiest place in the world. The stars would be carefree... but they're not, are they? In fact, they seem to be the most depressed, most miserable people in the world as far as I'm concerned.
It's interesting, we pick our bodies apart. "My thighs are too big." "My butt is too big." "I'm too skinny." "I'm tall and lanky." "I'm short and stubby." "My lips are too thin." "My nose is too wide." "My nose is too long." "My eyes are squinty." "My belly's too round." "My ribs stick out." "I have acne." "I hate my freckles." "I'm too pale." "My breasts are too small." "My breasts are too large." We are always complaining about our bodies in one form or another. I catch myself doing it. "I'm too plain. I'm too hairy." that kind of thing... we put ourselves under a magnifying glass and pick at our external flaws. Why? Is it because we're longing for someone to tell us we're wrong, that we're beautiful? Maybe that's part of it, but I don't believe that's all of it.
How often do we pick apart our inner flaws? Can you imagine if we did to our inner selves what we do to our external? "I'm too critical." "I'm jealous." "I'm selfish." "I'm rude." "I'm hateful." "I'm self-seeking." "I am full of pride." "I'm vindictive and manipulative." WOW. How often do we pick apart every inner flaw we have? Why is it that we pick at our external flaws, but not our inner ones? I think we call attention to our external flaws so that it will distract from the inner ones.
So again, what is beauty? Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines it as such:
1 : the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness
2 : a beautiful person or thing; especially : a beautiful woman
3 : a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality
4 : a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance <that mistake="" was="" a="" beauty="">
Why do women like to dance ballet? Because it's beautiful. It's graceful and defines femininity as we perceive it. Why do we like to wear flowy material? Because it's beautiful... it makes us appear to be walking on air. According to John and Staci Eldredge, every woman, from the time she is a little girl, longs to be lovely. That is her deepest cry. We go out of our way to be found lovely. We want to be found desirable.
One night, I was watching this woman and I was becoming increasingly irritated with her. She was very tall and overweight and had very masculine features. She was awkward in every sense of the word. As I watched her, she attempted to look graceful as she danced the only way she knew how. She is not a woman that I would say is physically attractive by any means. I remember sitting there watching her, thinking, "What a joke. Here she is trying to be beautiful." I couldn't even complete the thought before I heard a very bold voice speak into my thoughts. "SHUT UP! She is beautiful to ME!" Wow. That put me in my place. Here I was, judging this woman because she was not physically beautiful or graceful, and God was telling me that I had it all wrong. Her heart was beautiful. She was just like every other woman, longing to know that she's beautiful.
I think about that night from time to time. I think about my own insecurities and my fear of being judged the way I judged her. If our external beauty was stripped away, what would be left underneath? What would our exposed hearts look like? Would we see Authentic Beauty and gracefulness? Would we see purity? Would we see love and compassion? Or would we see the flaws that we work so hard to keep from being exposed?
I was reading late last night and something caught my attention. This young woman was talking about how God had told her she was beautiful. She caught the revelation that if God says it's so, then it is. I've always thought, 'yeah, but He made me, so of course He's going to say I'm beautiful.' kinda like, 'well they're my parents, of course they'll say that.' But then as I was reading last night, I thought about what the young woman was saying. GOD CANNOT LIE! It is impossible. Think about it... if God said, "All cows are purple," we would think, now that's crazy. Cows are not purple. But do you know what would happen? We would look up and every single cow would suddenly be purple. Why? Because when God speaks, what He says becomes true. When he said, "Let there be light," He was speaking into a pitch black void. When He spoke, things happened. So then, when God says, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL," doesn't that mean it's so?! So often I think we get into this game of wanting to be superior. We want to compare ourselves to other women. We want to be more beautiful. We want to be the best. Why? It doesn't get us anywhere. If we would just focus on our own beauty and stop comparing ourselves to others, i think the world would be a totally different place.
Hold your head high, princess. You are a daughter of the King. I've never seen an ugly princess. You are adorned in His finest. You are His favored one. Who are you to compare yourself to other princesses? Yes they are beautiful. They are different than you. But that is what makes us beautiful! Can you imagine if we all looked exactly like Angelina Jolie? We would have no concept of beauty because we would all be the same. It is our diversity that makes us beautiful. What's more important, it is the deep inner parts that make you beautiful. How many men want to marry a prostitute? Sure, the woman may be physically beautiful, but they are not marriage material. A man wants a woman who is beautiful inwardly.
Just a little secret I learned... What kind of man is drawn to you? Are men who want to control you attracted to you? Are men who use and abuse you attracted to you? Look at your pattern. I realized that the type of men that are attracted to you reveal what they see about you. You will attract the same as you... are you insecure? You will attract insecure men. They see you as weak and usable. They will try to dominate you because they are insecure about themselves. Let me ask you this... have you ever seen a secure woman with a man that doesn't deserve her? I mean, a woman who is TRULY secure? Nope. A woman who has it all together won't settle for a man that treats her any less than she deserves. She knows her worth. Men who are insecure won't even attempt to get with this woman because they know they're not worthy of her. So what do they do? They prey on women who are lonely and insecure. Do you find yourself in and out of relationships, hurt and jaded after each one? You wonder what went wrong. You did everything to keep him... maybe you went beyond your physical boundaries. Or maybe you put up with his abusive words. Maybe you poured out your words of affirmation. You walk away hurt and not understanding what went wrong. You did everything to keep him, but it wasn't enough. Do you REALLY want to know what went wrong? He saw you as weak. He told you what you wanted to hear so his selfish desires could be satisfied, all the while he was doing the same thing with another woman.
We as women put so much stock in what men say. We want them to love us. But when they walk away, we wonder, "What's wrong with us?" We begin to dissect every word they ever said to us. "He said he loved me." But it wasn't true. Suddenly we think, "He said he wanted to marry me, but that wasn't true either." Now we begin to wonder if every word he ever said was a lie... so then when we realize, "Oh my gosh, he said I was beautiful. Was he just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could use me?" Thus we no longer believe we're beautiful because he was a liar. So then we go in search of another man to validate us, to tell us we're beautiful. But it's the same vicious cycle. Do you want to know how to get a man that won't use and abuse you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop criticizing yourself. Men don't want the pressure of trying to fix something that is broken. A secure, healthy man wants a woman who is secure and healthy. Know who you are. How? Find out what Jesus says about you. When something is broken, do you seek out something else that is broken to tell you how to fix it? That's obsurd. You seek out the owner's manual... you call tech support... you go to the manufacturer to learn how to fix it. So why is it that we go out in search of other broken fixtures instead of going to the One who made us? Learn who God says you are. Become a woman who is secure in her femininity. Cultivate that inner beauty. When you know who you are, who God says you are, and stop looking to men to tell you that, you will end the cycle of disappointment and abuse. Hold your head high, Princess. You're a daughter of the King. When you see yourself the way God sees you, men who want to use and abuse you will fear you. But men who are worthy of your love will be drawn to you. Don't forget that what you attract says a lot about what you portray. Don't be desperate. You'll attract a loser who doesn't deserve you. Don't look to a man to tell you that you're beautiful. Look to the King of Kings whose Words alone are power.
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