We've all heard, "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Those of us who have been hurt latch onto that scripture as an excuse to shut everyone out, to build walls to protect ourselves. We push people away and then say, 'well, i'm just guarding my heart.' But what does that scripture REALLY mean? Building walls and keeping people out: NO.
I felt God saying to me last spring after a breakup, "Guard your heart." I kept seeing the scripture everywhere and it resonated in my spirit and my mind for weeks. I wondered, "what am I not getting about this?" At the time I was not attending church anywhere and had no one to turn to. I was angry at those I would normally turn to. I was hurt beyond what I thought I could bear, not from the breakup but from events that occurred before the breakup. Then the breakup just topped it all off. I thought, "How can I become any more guarded? I have closed myself off from everyone that could hurt me. I couldn't possibly be any more guarded than I am now." I had even come up with excuses to not speak to my best friend... I was angry with her and everyone else. I was completely alone. Still I kept hearing it, "GUARD YOUR HEART!" I didn't get it. I couldn't trust anyone to guide me... except that at that time we were looking to move to Sallisaw, OK. I was seeking out a church there to get involved with and was communicating with the pastor at a non-denom church. I emailed him one day and asked, "how do you guard your heart?" He referred me to his wife, who had studied the scripture to a greater extent. She sent me her notes from a women's retreat she had ministered at. Basically she said that you have to guard your heart from the things that would kill it... She said that the way you guard your heart is to "take captive every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ." I don't think I completely grasped the concept. She said that you had to protect your heart by controlling what you think about.
Now, ten months later I'm beginning to grasp what it means to guard your heart. Dear ones, you're not trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. Instead, you're supposed to be guarding your heart from... wait for it... OFFENSE. When roots of bitterness get into your heart, they choke out the very life you're fighting to protect. I've let that weed take over my heart, so I can say this from experience. My thought life was all about my pain... how alone I was... how hurt I was... how horrible those people were for hurting me... how I always seemed to be treated the same way by everyone. My thought life cultivated fertile ground for bitter roots. I didn't guard my heart. Instead I opened it wide up. The Word says not to go to bed angry or the devil will get a foothold. I don't think we truly think about what that means. It means, every single day, to let everything go. Forgive those who have hurt you. Stop replaying the pain over and over again. Because when you do, you're letting that seed of bitterness get down into your heart, thus creating a foothold for the devil. Suddenly you become his puppet, not God's servant. Suddenly you begin lashing out in hate and discontent, not love and mercy. You think you're being scriptural because you're protecting your heart from getting hurt. But you're so far from the truth. You're deceived. I was deceived.
I am now having to learn to let go of all that crap that i've harbored. I have allowed that offense to choke out the life that used to be where my heart was. I'm numb and more miserable than I've ever been. Why? Because I didn't guard my heart from the tic, the weed of offense and bitterness. I want to keep others from getting to the point where I am. I don't want anyone else to have to know the misery of what it is to be hidden behind a dark, dank wall. It's a horrible prison that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Nobody should know the misery of being walled in like this. I want to issue a warning to guard your heart. Don't let it be choked out by offense and bitterness. The more you think about it and harbor it, the more it will take over. Don't forget, your heart is the wellspring of life. Guard it with your life. Don't let the enemy get a foothold. Let go of your pain. Cast your cares on Him. Take yourself off the judgment seat and put God back on the throne. Let Him be the judge. Vengeance is His. It is not hurting the people that hurt you for you to not forgive them. They don't care. It's just hurting you and those who love you. Forgive them. What does that mean? I'll tell you first what it DOESN'T mean. It DOESN'T mean that what they did to you is okay and should go unpunished. It does not mean that they are getting away scott free. It simply means that you are letting God be the judge and you are removing your hands from around their neck.
Many of you have had some extreme hurts. Some of you have been holding onto those hurts for years, like I have. Some of you have recently experienced some kind of hurt. For those who have recently been hurt, it will be easier for you to let go of it now and cut out the root before it grows. For those of you who have held onto those hurts for a long time, it will take more work for you to let go and heal. I don't have all the answers. I'm still trying to heal too. But I am hoping that maybe I can reach you before you get to where I'm at. I was told I'm too young to be so cynical. That reveals an offended, shriveled, cold heart. The heart that's guarded from the weeds will flourish. It will continue to love and be vulnerable, though there's the risk of getting hurt again. The guarded heart will realize, "I'm not big enough to protect myself from getting hurt without hurting myself, but I know the One who is." I'm beginning to learn to see Jesus as a protective lover. Girls, can you imagine if you're out with a man who's madly in love with you. Suddenly, from a dark alley comes this awful horrible man with a knife... his ultimate goal is to harm you, to take your life from you. He wants to strip you of everything, reveal your naked body to the world, and mutilate you. He means to do you the most imaginable harm. You're not strong enough to fight him off. You don't have a way to defend yourself. But suddenly, your knight in shining armor steps in front of you. He fights for you and scares off the would-be attacker. THAT is what Jesus wants to do for you. He's madly in love with you. Stop trying to defend yourself and let Him be the Man. Stop trying to control your life. You'll just make it worse. You will lose when you try to do it in your own power. Admit your weakness. You are not big enough. But He is. Let Him pursue you. Let Him pull you up into His strong arms. When you're hurt, take it to Him. He happens to be an amazing counselor and physician. He has it all. He's the ultimate lover. Begin to see Him as a man who is desperately in love with you, not just as an invisible father figure in the sky.
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