Throughout life, we are on a mission. All of us go through each day searching, seeking, wondering if the mission is lost. Is it really out there? Can we really find it? Our mission: seeking true love. We look for it in each face that passes us. We listen for it in every baby's cry, every song, every voice that speaks to us. We watch for signs that it has found us. Is it really that easy? Does it seek us out as well? Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes it feels like a figment of our imagination, the mirage in the desert. Our souls are thirsty and longing for just a tiny sip of the goodness Love has to offer. We walk through the desert thirsty and longing, even seeking out those awful cacti, braving the thorns for a taste of that cool refreshing water.
But in the distance, I hear a faint cry. "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;" And we hear the sound of many rushing waters. We hear the compassion in the Voice and we hear the sound of the very thing we are longing for: True Love. So we run through the desert to the beckoning call, "Come closer, Come closer."
But of course in every good story there's an antagonist. In this dry barren wasteland, there is a snake, a terrible poisonous viper slinking along beside us. He slithers up to us and hisses, "It's just another mirage. There's no water out here. You're stuck here. You will die here just as the children of Israel died in the desert. Who do you think you are? You don't deserve to taste of the water. Look where you're at! Your hunger for Love brought you here in the first place. And where has that gotten you? You've been wandering around, lost and thirsty and still haven't found what you're looking for. You'll never find it. There is no water. There is no promised land. You will die in this dry barren wasteland."
So we lose sight of the Voice calling out to us. We turn in another direction, mourning at our defeat, chiding ourselves for being so stupid as to have thought we really heard a voice offering the very thing we longed for. We wander further into the desert, lost and alone and without hope. Soon we find ourselves setting up camp there, digging our graves for surely we will die in this dreadful place.
What's that sound? Is it just my imagination? Do I really hear water running? No, surely it's just another mirage. I've pricked my fingers on too many thorns looking for water. Now I associate water with pain. What if I do find the water? Will it mercilessly drown me? But still i hear the sound of many rushing waters. And with great fear and trepidation, I turn back toward the sound of the waters. I can see a waterfall in my minds eye. I see beautiful vegetation. I can hear the birds chirping and the crash of the water on the rocks. The current is strong and powerful. Do I dare follow the sound of the voice to what could be the death of me? Do I seek out the waters I so long for at the price of my own demise? Or do I sit in this dry barren wasteland dreaming of what could be, what should be?
I choose to hear the sound. The waters are the True Love I'm seeking. Though satisfying for a short time, the pain of getting pricked by the cacti is barely worth the few drops I find. Can I trust again? Can I hope again? Can I love again? I feel so numb, so weary from this desert wind. I've been beaten. I can even hear the vultures calling out to one another as they circle me. Do they smell the rank scent of death on me? Oh God, I need to bathe. There it is again, I need the water. So I pick up what I have left, and I run toward the Sound. Even if it kills me, I have to find out if it's real. The journey has got to be far better than sitting here waiting to die, digging my own grave.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." There's that Voice again. I'm very weary. I've got so many burdens on my shoulders, things i've picked up in the desert; things i've brought with me from Egypt. They're so heavy. I think I need to drop them so I can run. There it goes, the first piece of luggage... self-seeking behavior. I struggle to let it go. I've carried that for so long. It will be strange to leave it here in the desert. But it's the heaviest piece I carry. I must drop it if i want to pursue the waters. A few more steps and i realize yet again, my load is still too heavy. I want to run but i can barely walk with all this weight. Which one will I choose now? There goes my pride. I can't do it on my own. I do need help. But I've always been independent. I've never been able to trust anyone to help me. Everyone else is so self-seeking that they don't notice me. How can I let go of my pride and ask for help? That requires being vulnerable. What if I lay this down and no one helps me? Then what will I do? Okay... here it goes. *drops the heavy stone of pride* Wow, my shoulders feel a lot better, but i feel really naked without self sufficiency and looking out for myself. What if these vultures decide to kill me? Why can't I already be at the water? Why do I have to walk so far? Hmmm I'm impatient. I guess I need to lay that down too. I struggle. How will I walk without these weights I've carried so long? I've carried them for so long that I can't imagine how I will be able to balance my light frame without them.
Man, I can just see all my former friends there at the riverside. That's just not fair. They've been there the whole time and here I am in these rags and dirty from head to toe. Oh, hello jealousy and envy. I don't think you're very good companions for this trip. I think you should stay here. I don't want to carry you anymore. You're too heavy and you add more weight that will keep me from reaching the waters. Man, i feel lighter already!
Suddenly a windstorm strikes. Oh no, i've let go of all those heavy things I've carried so long. the dirt is pelting me and I can barely keep my balance. What will I do now? "Be still," calls the Voice. What?! You want me to be still and get beat up? Suddenly, I realize the Voice is not speaking to me, but to the storm. Oh, hey, there's power in that voice! Wow! Hmmm... what else is weighing me down? I've got to see the Face attached to that voice! One by one, i let go of the things that have weighed me down, things I've carried for years that have felt like they were a part of me. I leave them like breadcrumbs in the desert. No, I have no intentions of coming back this way. I leave them so others will find their way to the Voice. I hope they will not pick them up, but realize they need to lay down their heavy burdens as well.
I get closer to the Sound. Mmmm I can hear the waters lapping over the rocks, crashing along the side of the rivers. I can just imagine jumping into those cool, sweet waters and letting them wash the dirt of the desert away. Can you hear it? Can you see the beautiful flowers? Can you see the strong trees planted by the river's edge with their roots deep down, soaking up the water? Can you see the fish swimming? What's that? Children's laughter. Oh what a beautiful sound! I hear a baby cooing and a mother singing sweetly to her child. What's that smell? Oh man, I haven't eaten real food in a while. I can just imagine a table full of food. I smell fresh baked bread with butter slowly melting on top of it and running down the sides. I can see a beautiful array of fine meats, perfectly golden and steam rolling off, letting the aroma drift through the air. Oh and the cookies and pies! This looks like a banquet for Kings and Queens! Oh, just for a taste of that sweet honey on a roll!
Suddenly, I feel something touching me. What's this? Why are you stripping me? You're taking away my clothes? You're exposing my nakedness? Is this some kind of trick?! Wait a minute, what are you doing. What's that? A robe... now that's more like it. I sure don't want anyone seeing how malnourished I am, or seeing the scars. But the One who stripped me saw them. What is He thinking of me? I feel ashamed and fearful, knowing He's seen the festering wounds. Where are you taking me? Why are we going away from the water? What's that cave?
Oh, how nice. There's a fire inside the cave. It's not as dark as I thought it would be. And look, there's a tub! Oh hallelujah I can get clean in privacy! Except, there's the One who is bathing me. Oh, I don't know about this. Talk about vulnerability. This is uncomfortable. Oh yeah, I threw away my pride in the desert! Now he's doctoring those wounds, putting salve on them to ease the pain and protect them from the elements. I see the dirt of the desert, of Egypt, being washed down the drain. Oh, my! I've never seen anything quite so beautiful! That gown, that's for me?! But... what if it doesn't fit? Oh, how marvelous! It feels a little big around the middle. Why would You give me a gown that doesn't fit my petite frame? What's this? A crown? But, I'm not a princess... I'm a wanderer who's been lost in the desert! Okay, if you insist... *Approaches the opening of the cave again* Look at all those vibrant colors! Surely they've been here all along, living in the lap of luxury. I wonder if they'll notice that this gown doesn't fit? Surely they'll know I'm an outsider.
"Come, dine with Me," says the Voice, Who has been nearly silent since my arrival. Surely this is a dream. I look for the first time into those eyes. Those are the most magnificent, most amazing sapphires I've ever seen! Those tears, are those for me? Is this compassion I see? Or is it pity? Oh, He's smiling at me now. I can't bear to look into those eyes for another second. That smile is so perfect that I can't help but look away. He leads me to the table, and seats me next to Him. We sit and dine. This is the most amazing meal I've ever had! Now I'm stuffed. Oh, I get it now! That's why the gown was too big! After a few meals like this, it should fit!
Then I hear the voice speaking to me tenderly, in a hushed tone so only I can hear. "I love you. I've been calling to you and watching you as you were in the desert. At first you were so far away from Me that you couldn't hear. So I drew you closer and put those cacti in your path so you would know the way. I used those vultures to urge you closer to My Voice. I've been longing for this day longer than you can ever imagine. I've wanted nothing more than to hold you close, envelope you in my arms, and sing you a love song. Let me heal those hurts."
In disbelief, I answer. "How can I trust you? How do I know that You love me? Those cacti wounded me. Why did you leave me in the desert so long? If You loved me, why didn't You come rescue me from the desert? Why did You leave me alone out there? I could've died!" Ashamed for the harsh words I've spoken, I look away. I wrestle in my mind what to believe. I meant every word I said, but then how can I be angry still? Look at the goodness of how I've been treated since arriving!
"I was there all along. You couldn't see Me. And at times you couldn't hear Me, but i was there. I was protecting you. I knew you would find your way home to Me. But you were too stubborn. You wouldn't have let go of your baggage if I would have come to you in the desert. Yes, the thorns wounded you. But the flesh of the cacti was nourishment to your body and kept you alive. I have sustained You, even when you turned away from My Voice. I've been waiting patiently for you to come and dine with Me. And now here you are! Why keep looking at the past? Look at what's before you. You've found what you've been looking for, so why continue to harbor the things of the desert?"
I sit silent for a long moment, meditating on what He was saying to me. Quietly, He watches in amusement as I begin to understand it. After a long moment of silence between us, He speaks softly to me again.
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. This is who I am. I am Love."
I still can't look Him in the eye. "Wow. I don't know how to love after all. I'm trying to be patient. I'm not always kind. I sometimes envy. I know I laid down my pride but sometimes I still boast. I tend to be rude. I try not to be so self-seeking but old habits die hard. I do get easily angered and I've carried a record of wrongs a mile long. I can see not delighting in evil and rejoicing with the truth. That's not so hard. I'm quite protective. But trust? Are You kidding me? You want me to trust? Sorry, I can't get past this one. Don't you remember those cacti and vultures in the desert? I know You said not to look back, but how can I trust when I've been hurt so much?!"
"You will learn, My favored one. It takes time. But if you realize that I AM Love, and that my plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future; then you will be able to trust Me and know that I have your best interests in mind. I protect you. And dear one, I trust you. I just want you to trust Me. All the rest will fall into place in time."
"Wait a minute, YOU TRUST ME? I don't even trust myself! How can You trust me?"
"I trust you to do the right thing. I trust you to hear My Voice and follow Me. I trust that as you learn to love Me, you will become more like Me. I trust you because you are after My Own Heart. Remember, I love you. You cannot love those whom you cannot trust. But I trust My loved ones. I trust you!"
Then I looked in amazement at the blinding white robe and brilliant purple sash. I see the glistening crown and I stand amazed. This is the King of Kings. And He is paying attention to me... the lost wanderer. I remember the crown on my head. He gave me this beautiful crown. I am not fit to where it in His presence. So I lay it at his feet and begin to weep as I feel His Love wash over me. He lifts my chin and smiles at me. He whispers gently to me, "My favored one, I love you."
We dance by the riverside. I am consumed with His Love and passion for me. How humbling, and how beautiful is His Love for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment